20 May 2025 • Holly
Exam season can be a time of high stress, not just for children and teens, but for the whole household. Whether it’s Year 6 SATs, mock exams, GCSEs, or any other high-stakes assessments, many young people experience increased worry, sleep issues, or emotional ups and downs during this period. As clinical psychologists working in child and adolescent services, we often hear parents say:
“I just want them to do their best, but they’re falling apart.”
“They say they’re fine, but I can see they’re not coping.”
“They’re working so hard, or not at all, and I don’t know how to help.”
Here’s what we know from psychological science (and years of clinical work with young people) about how to support your child or teen through exam stress, while also protecting their wellbeing.
First, it’s helpful to know that stress around exams is common and understandable. SATs and GCSEs are often the first times children face formal performance evaluation, and for teens, there may be fears about the future or letting people down. Younger children (SATs age) might struggle to make sense of what exams mean and feel pressure even if it’s not explicitly stated. Older teens might face perfectionism, self-doubt, or comparison to peers, especially with social media amplifying those pressures. Some stress can actually be motivating as it signals that something matters. But too much, or chronic stress, can tip into anxiety, shutdown, or burnout. Children and teens need help regulating these emotions, especially when they’re still developing the brain systems (like the prefrontal cortex) responsible for planning, calming, and perspective-taking.
Children and teens often struggle to understand or express emotions, especially when overwhelmed. You can help by noticing and naming what you see, using a calm, non-judgmental tone:
“You’ve been quiet lately, I wonder if you’re feeling worried about the test?”
“I can see you’re frustrated, exams can bring up big feelings.”
Labelling emotions helps children build emotional literacy, a key skill for long-term resilience. It also reassures them that what they’re feeling is valid and shareable, not something to hide or fear.
Children thrive when they feel safe to try, even if they don’t succeed perfectly. Praise effort, persistence, and progress over scores or rankings:
“I’m proud of how you stuck with that revision.”
“I love how you asked for help when you needed it.”
“You worked really hard on that regardless of the result, that matters.”
This promotes a growth mindset, which research shows helps young people persevere and bounce back from setbacks.
Brains under pressure need recovery time. Without breaks, young people are more likely to retain less, get irritable, and feel overwhelmed.
Encourage:
✅ Short bursts of focused revision (e.g., 25-minute Pomodoro-style sessions) followed by breaks.
✅ Protect time for movement, fun, and rest – not as a reward, but as a right.
✅ Create a wind-down routine before bed to help their nervous system settle (no screens 30–60 mins before sleep, dim lights, quiet activities).
Rest is how the brain consolidates memory, regulates mood, and prepares for performance.
Your presence and calmness helps regulate their stress. This is called co-regulation – when an adult’s nervous system helps settle a child’s.
If your child or teen is panicking, try grounding them with slow, steady breathing or by naming what you see:
“Let’s take a breath together.”
“You’re feeling panicked, but we’re okay. Let’s take it one step at a time.”
“You’re not alone in this – we’ll figure it out together.”
If they shut down, try a gentle invitation, not pressure:
“I can see you don’t want to talk right now. I’m here when you’re ready.”
“Want to go for a walk together or listen to a podcast? We don’t need to talk.”
This one might be the most important.
Children and teens need to hear again and again that they are valued, loved, and accepted regardless of academic performance.
Their self-worth is still forming, and they often equate “good grades” with being “a good person.” You can protect against that by anchoring your praise and connection in who they are, not what they produce.
“What matters most to me is that you’re kind, curious, and doing your best.”
“There is so much more to you than these exams.”
“We love you exactly the same whether you get 4s or 9s.”
It’s normal to feel nervous around exam time. But if your child or teen is experiencing significant distress – panic attacks, sleep loss, ongoing low mood, avoidance, or feeling hopeless, it may be time to speak with a mental health professional.
Psychologists at Kidswell can support young people experiencing exam-related anxiety.
Get in touch with us today to find out more or book to a consultation.
Early support can make a huge difference.
Before revision or exams, teach your child to do 3 slow belly breaths, stretch, or do a “5-4-3-2-1” grounding scan (5 things you see, 4 hear, etc.).
Say “You seem nervous – totally normal. Want to talk or move through it together?”
Let them know exam stress is common and not a sign of failure. “Most people feel anxious before big things – it means you care.”
Keep bedtime consistent; avoid revision or screen time an hour before bed. Use soft lighting and relaxing audio if needed.
Daily physical activity helps mood, memory, and sleep – even a 10-minute walk, dance break, or throwing a ball outside counts.
Brain fuel matters.
Carve out 10 minutes of totally non- academic time together – walk, joke, cook – so exams don’t take over the whole relationship.
Leave a small note, pack a favourite snack, or create a “pre-exam playlist” together.
You’re not the tutor, you’re their safe base. If they’re melting down, don’t fix the maths – soothe the nervous system first.
Exams are one small chapter in your child’s life. By supporting your child emotionally and practically through SATs and GCSEs, you’re not just helping them revise. You’re teaching them how to cope with pressure, trust themselves, and feel safe in their relationships, all of which matter far more than any grade.
Remember, our child psychologists are here to help. Get in touch with us today to find out more or book to a consultation.
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