Understanding Your Child’s Emotions: The Fight, Flight, Freeze Response Explained

The Science Behind Your Child’s Emotional Outbursts

By Dr Stavros Orfanos, Clinical Psychologist at Kidswell Health

Parenting is rewarding, but it’s not always easy, especially when it comes to understanding and supporting your child’s emotions. Many parents tell me they feel unsure about the “right” way to respond when their child is overwhelmed, anxious, or frustrated.

That’s why I’ve created this blog series on how to support your child’s well-being. It’s not about providing a rigid set of parenting rules – because no such thing exists. Parenting is a constant process of learning, trial and error, and adapting to your child’s needs. But what we can offer is a set of evidence-based tools that help you better understand your child’s emotional world.

In this first blog, we’ll explore how your child’s brain and biology influence their emotions, and how understanding the fight, flight, freeze response and emotional sensitivity can help you respond with more empathy and confidence.

Common Concerns Parents Ask in Clinic

Working as a Clinical Psychologist with children and families, I hear these questions regularly from parents:

• “How can I help my child develop better self-regulation skills?”
  
• “I want to learn how to support my child more effectively.”
  
• “How can I help my child manage big emotions without meltdowns?”
  
• “How can I help my child become more resilient?”
  

Before we talk about strategies, the first thing I share with parents is a simple but important explanation of how their child’s brain works – and how this shapes emotions and behaviours.

The Fight, Flight, Freeze Response: Why Children React the Way They Do

One of the most useful things to understand as a parent is the fight, flight, freeze response – a built-in survival mechanism that we all have, even from a young age.

This biological response is controlled by a part of the brain called the amygdala, part of the brain’s limbic system (the emotional centre of the brain). The amygdala constantly scans for danger, and when it detects a threat (real or perceived) it triggers the fight, flight, or freeze response:

• Fight: Acting out with anger or aggression to defend oneself.
  
• Flight: Running away or avoiding the situation.
  
• Freeze: Shutting down or going quiet in the face of stress.
  

This response evolved to keep us safe from danger, like escaping a fire or avoiding a wild animal. The problem is, in modern life, the brain often can’t tell the difference between real danger and everyday stressors like a disagreement, frustration at school, or feeling left out.

Why This Is Important for Parents

When your child becomes angry, anxious, or overwhelmed, their brain may be reacting as if they are in danger, even when there’s no immediate threat. This isn’t them being “naughty” or “difficult.” It’s a biological survival mechanism that can overpower logic, especially in younger children.

The Developing Brain: Why Your Child Can’t “Just Calm Down”

Another key part of the brain is the prefrontal cortex, located at the front of the brain, responsible for reasoning, problem-solving, and calming down the emotional alarm system.

But here’s the catch:
✅ The prefrontal cortex develops slowly and is not fully mature until around 25–26 years of age.
✅ This means children don’t have the same ability to regulate emotions or to assess situations rationally like adults can.

So, when your child has a big reaction, it’s often because the emotional, reactive part of their brain (the amygdala) takes over – while the reasoning part (the prefrontal cortex) isn’t fully developed to balance it out.

Why This Is Helpful For Parents

Understanding this brain science helps parents reframe emotional outbursts. It’s not that your child is “overreacting” on purpose, their brain is wired this way. This insight can help you respond with compassion, patience, and appropriate support.

It can also help you as a parent manage your own reactions. When you understand your child’s biological responses, it’s easier to stay calm yourself and model healthy emotional regulation.

But why do some children react more intensely than others?

While the fight, flight, freeze response is something we all have, you might have noticed your child reacts more strongly than other children in similar situations. This is where emotional sensitivity comes in. Some children are biologically wired to feel emotions more deeply — not because they are “difficult” or overly sensitive, but because of a natural temperament trait called Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS). We’ll dive into this further in our next blog.

In future blogs in this series, we’ll also explore practical tools and strategies you can use, including:

• How to teach your child to name their emotions
  
• Techniques to manage overwhelm
  
• Why all emotions (even anger and sadness) are important
  
• How to help your child build resilience
  

Final Thoughts

Understanding your child’s emotions starts with understanding their brain. You’re not expected to get it right every time – parenting is hard, and we all make mistakes. But by taking the time to read these blogs, you’re already taking an important first step in supporting your child’s well-being.

Do you need help with your child’s emotions or behaviour?

Our experienced child psychologists at Kidswell Health are here to support you. Whether your child is struggling with big emotions, anxiety, anger, or behavioural challenges, we offer personalised, evidence-based care to help your family feel more supported and confident.

📅 Book an appointment today for tailored advice, practical strategies, and therapy to support your child’s emotional well-being.

📖 Next in this series: Why Is My Child More Sensitive? Understanding Emotional Sensitivity