How to Handle Toddler Tantrums: Tips From a Child Psychologist

By Dr Georgia Meisel, Child Psychologist at Kidswell Health

If you’ve ever stood in the supermarket aisle while your toddler is screaming, you’ll know tantrums are one of the hardest parts of parenting.

It’s easy to feel judged, frustrated, or like you’re doing something wrong when your child seems totally out of control. But here’s the truth: tantrums are a normal part of child development.

In this blog, we’ll unpack:

• Why tantrums happen
  
• How to respond in the moment
  
• Strategies to reduce them over time
  

Why do tantrums happen?

Tantrums aren’t “bad behaviour.” They’re a sign that your child’s brain is still under construction.

In the toddler and preschool years, the part of the brain responsible for emotional regulation (the prefrontal cortex) is still developing. That means children are driven by big feelings they can’t yet manage – and they rely on adults to help them co-regulate.

Common tantrum triggers include:

• Tiredness or hunger
  
• Frustration (when something is too hard or doesn’t go their way)
  
• Transitions (like stopping playtime or leaving the park)
  
• Feeling overstimulated or overwhelmed
  
• Needing connection or attention
  

What to do during a toddler tantrum

When your child is mid-tantrum, they’re not in a state to learn or listen.

The goal isn’t to stop the tantrum straight away, but to stay calm and support your child through it.

Here’s what helps most:

• Stay close and present.
  Get down to their level if it’s safe, keep your voice soft, and let them know you’re there.
  
• Acknowledge their feelings.
  “You’re so upset because you wanted to stay longer at the park. That’s hard.”
  
• Don’t try to reason or lecture.
  A child in meltdown mode can’t process explanations. Save teaching for later.
  
• Use simple, calm language.
  “I’m here. We’ll get through this together.”
  
• Keep them safe.
  If they’re flailing, gently guide them to a safer space or hold them if they want a cuddle.
  

After the storm: teaching your toddler emotional skills

Once the meltdown has passed, it’s the perfect time to build your child’s emotional literacy.

• Name the feeling.
  “You were angry because the block tower fell down.”
  
• Problem-solve together.
  “Next time, we can build it on the floor so it’s more stable.”
  
• Model coping strategies.
  Show how to take deep breaths, count to five, or squeeze a soft toy.
  
• Praise recovery, not the tantrum.
  “You were upset, but you calmed down with your breathing. That’s great!”
  

Can you prevent tantrums?

You won’t stop tantrums entirely (and that’s okay!). But you can reduce how often they happen by making a few practical changes.

• Build routines.
  Predictable days help kids feel secure.
  
• Give warnings for transitions.
  “Five more minutes of play, then we’re tidying up.”
  
• Offer limited choices.
  “Do you want the blue cup or the red one?”
  
• Notice early warning signs.
  If your child is tired or overstimulated, adjust your plans.
  

Final thoughts

It’s easy to feel like you’re failing when tantrums happen. But they’re not a sign of bad parenting, they’re a normal part of your child learning how to be in the world.

What matters most isn’t stopping every tantrum, but being your child’s safe place as they learn to navigate big feelings.

Need support? We’re here to help.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed or unsure about your child’s behaviour, you’re not alone, and you don’t have to navigate it by yourself. At Kidswell Health, our experienced child psychologists offer compassionate, evidence-based support for families dealing with tantrums, emotional regulation challenges, or other behavioural or mental health concerns.

If you have questions, concerns, or would like to book an appointment, please don’t hesitate to get in touch.

We’re here to support you and your child every step of the way.

📞 Call us on 020-3011-1843 or email reception@kidswellhealth.com